I’ve probably spent the last half hour staring at myself in the mirror.
I like the outfit I’m wearing. It’s nothing special, really… Black skirt, gray and black top, elastic belt, mary jane heels. It gives me a nice-looking figure while still being modest.
But I don’t feel completely comfortable in it. My head buzzes with all sorts of rationale to just take it off and put on some jeans. No one I know really wears this kind of stuff. The skirt’s a little too 50’s, and why am I wearing a skirt anyway? People might look at me. People might notice me.
For me, it takes courage to dress up and look cute. The majority of my closet is still t-shirts and jeans, because it wasn’t so long ago that those were the only things I would wear. Even in them I might have felt too conspicuous, depending what was on the shirt. I can’t bring myself to throw them all away; they’re like a bunch of security blankets just waiting for me to chicken out and try to be invisible again.
For some girls, it takes courage to dress comfortably, or go outside without any makeup. Maybe their mothers have criticized too much, maybe their boyfriends have been less-than-pleased when they look less-than-perfect, maybe other girls have snickered at them. For them, makeup is a mask, expensive clothes are camoflage.
What would you wear if no one else in the world existed? I think I’d wear some pretty ridiculous outfits. Then again, there might be other days when I didn’t feel like putting in the effort, and I’d just slap on a t-shirt and some jeans. I think it’s cool to feel comfortable in both.
In college, I always envied the girls who showed up to class everyday in some cute outfit. But somehow, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to do the same. I wasn’t thin enough, wasn’t pretty enough, and no matter how much I played dress-up in front of my dorm room mirror, I was never brave enough to open the door and step outside looking like that.
I’m trying to break the habit. I’m going to wear this outfit today, and force myself to work through the discomfort. What’s the worst that could happen? People might raise an eyebrow or two, or judge me in their heads, but why should I care? I think I look cute.
(Just a side note: I hang out around awesome people, and more often than not they tell me that they like the way I dress. My insecurities are largely unfounded, as many insecurities are.)
What thoughts go through your head when you get dressed? Have you ever talked yourself out of wearing something that you like?
